Happy, Lasting and Fruitful Relationships

What makes these type of relationships possible? Is it love? True love can hold out against anything (right?), so that must be the answer.

Well, that's mostly correct, but it takes more than love for two (or more) people to maintain a healthy relationship together. Love is one of the two main keys, but what generates love? How is it given? How is it shown?

First thing is first. Nothing can replace the necessity of taking proper time to fully get to know your partner. One cannot jump headlong into a relationship and expect it to “work out”, or remain stable. Time has to be given in order to learn how to properly communicate and convey love to each other – AKA learning someone's love language. Everyone is unique in how they express love and what actions resonate the most deeply. Time is also necessary so partners can see all facets of each other. What is the good and the bad sides of each other? How are hardships dealt with?

Getting back to “love language”, what exactly is this? It's difficult to describe because this can be just about anything. It all depends on the individuals. It can be a shared look that each correctly interpret to mean “run and snatch up your paintball gun because there is about to be a lover's showdown”, or not getting your partner that newest trending fantasy novel, but instead the latest novel from their favorite fantasy-writing author and have a glass of vanilla milk and their lavender-scented pillow waiting for them as they walk in the door.

Love language is a language developed between people who understand what motivates and comforts their partner(s). It's born from truly caring and observing what a partner needs. It's a must-have for every relationship.

Love is both the easiest and most difficult thing to give. How can one cultivate it and make a relationship work? One truth that must be understood is no ONE person can make a relationship work. It takes all individuals giving EQUAL effort. There is no point (and should be no desire) to maintain a relationship if all parties are not fully invested.

If both (or all) individuals are willing to try, then (once again) time is your greatest ally in making it all happen. With time, as long as one is open about their wants and needs, is willing to compromise together and communicate what they absolutely cannot compromise on (hard limits), then this honest, open communication will generate trust. Trust is the second main key and an absolute MUST in any relationship. If you can't trust your partner, why are you together? Same thing if you both have conflicting hard limits. A relationship where needs are not met, or are neglected is toxic.

Be yourself. Be comfortable together. Communicate, communicate, communicate and don't forget to communicate. Communication is vital to the health of a relationship. It is the main ingredient that allows everything else to grow.

Give respect. Understand boundaries. Unless a valid reason is given to suspect a partner – DON'T. Don't let unfounded fears, or past hurts snake their way in and constrict the relationship. Don't be that insecure person. Jealousy is ugly and shows a lack of confidence. Be yourself. Listen to your partner. Time will reveal everything. If you start suspecting your partner of doing wrong, then at that very moment it is time to reevaluate the relationship.

Please do not ever blame yourself over a cheating partner. 

It takes proper communication and honesty on both sides to keep this from happening. You didn't make them stay silent on their needs, or desires. You didn't make them go behind your back. These were choices they made instead of communicating and working toward a compromise, or communicating and ending the relationship before cheating.

That's all there is to it. A healthy relationship takes time to cultivate and equal effort from everyone involved. Honest, open communication, respect and the ability to compromise are the ingredients to building keys of love and trust. Also, while love doesn't keep tabs on what it gives, it is only polite and decent to maintain a balance of give and take in a relationship. One shouldn't give too much, or take too much all the time, every time. If one truly loves, then giving is as easy as taking and vice versa. The health and happiness of one's partner means just as much as their own.

What do you think about this? Are you in the type of relationship you need? Have you ever been in a bad relationship? I'd love to hear your thoughts if you'd like to share!

Thanks for joining me today, pups and goslings. The next post will most likely be about how to move on after a breakup, and then I think I'll touch on unemployment rut. I'm also considering posting about three-way relationship dynamics. Any suggestions for what you would like to read next?

Until next time!