Dealing & Coping With A Breakup

We think of breakups as if they are an emotional roller coaster of turmoil. It can be a dark time in a person's life. However, if we are to discover not only the person who suits us best, but ourselves (better know our needs, desires and hard limits) then dating and breakups are necessary.

While there is always some form of mourning and a sense of loss after a breakup, it doesn't have to be a gut-wrenching, heart-stomping, nerve-frying period of grief. People can be sensible and accepting of when their values, or personality just don't quite mix well with a partner's. Breaking up doesn't have to mean two people do each other wrong, or hate each other.

Breaking up can be more of a positive experience than a negative one. Two people who don't align in ways that benefit each other and make each other stronger suffer from a disconnection. Somewhere, somehow someone's needs, or wants are not realized, or are unfulfilled. In such a case, if communication does not fix the issue(s), it is best to part ways. Parting doesn't have to be full of blame, dramatic, and/or deliberately painful, but can be respectful.

Hey, sometimes things just don't work out. The fact two people tried is still a good thing. Each have better learned what they need. Plus, they got to know each other on a deeper level. Two people may not make the best romantic couple, but they can still be great friends.

However, there may come a time when we find ourselves in an ugly breakup. These are usually generated by one, or both people becoming angry over an issue that one finds insignificant, but the other considers it a big deal. Everyone views things differently. Everyone places a different value on different things. Anger caused from this, or a misunderstanding, or miscommunication can become highly charged because love is on the line. Love makes everything more electrifying.

And so, we have feelings smashed as the blame game begins. An ugly breakup indeed.

One must understand that mistakes do happen. None of us are perfect. Apologize and move forward. We learn from each other and also through example. Try not to blame yourself, or your ex too much for causing the breakup. Try to appreciate what was shared and what was learned during your time together. Take the time you need to mourn the loss of the relationship and during this time evaluate what you need from yourself, from a potential partner and from life. When you're ready, move on and, if you want to, try another relationship.

If you've experienced a negative breakup and are finding it difficult to move on, here is a wonderful site that can help: Dealing With Relationship Breakups.

Keep your chin up! You will be fine. Allow yourself to have proper time to recover and feel free to message me if you'd like to talk about a bad breakup you may be struggling with (I never ask for personal, or identifiable information – I'm just an anonymous, friendly ear). Breakups can be serious and depressing. As a crisis counselor, I often deal with others figuratively (sometimes literally!) bruised and battered from ugly breakups.

Take care, pups and goslings! See you in the next post! Feel free to drop suggestions on topics you'd like to hear about in the future.

RoonRune is out!